Having a fulfilling career, a family, heart-warming relationships, and enough money not to worry about money, traveling around the world, being healthy, taking good care of my body, and being a loving presence to anyone around me. That’s what my definition of success looks like right now.
But for a long time, it had revolved around external validation: school and career achievements, money in my bank account, and making my parents proud of how independent and “successful” I had become. My feelings, needs, emotions? Those had never had a place in my life. Not a priority. I wasn’t wired to be self-centered. Having emotions, needs, and feelings were for the weak, for those who couldn’t handle work. It’s funny to realize it now, but I used to get angry at people who “had a life”. Those who wouldn’t work extra hours, who would set boundaries, who would say “I can’t do that in so little time”. I was always the one saying “Yes, let me take this”, “I can do it”, or “I’ll get it done”. And I did.
The more responsibility I had, the more important I felt. The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. The more I got things done, the more empowered I felt. The result of all of this? Burnout, of course. Mental breakdown. The by-product of my mental breakdown? “I can’t work anymore”. If work is the root cause of my stress, I might as well run away from it. And so, I did. I got so scared of sacrificing my own life for the sake of being recognized for my work-related achievements that I became work-avoidant. 😊.
After fighting for some time against it, I embraced my work aversion and I dived deeper into my self-development. I took the money I had saved and started investing it in my biggest project ever: my well-being. I started doing more of the things I enjoyed, found new hobbies, learned new things, traveled, made new friends, and decided to leave the city I had called home for almost ten years – São Paulo. A big city life wasn’t for me anymore, I craved more nature and family time.
Ten years had passed, and I had grown apart from my siblings, who had moved to Canada. My older sister had already had two kids, who barely knew my name. My brother was living in a city on Prince Edward Island, a place that I wouldn’t ever have the “time” to visit.
And yes, I know, that time is a matter of priority. And mine never included my feelings, emotions, needs, my well-being, and family time. To be honest, I’ve always considered myself a “family person”, but my family would take what was left of me after “getting things done at work”. For them, I would show the angriest, meanest, and most avoidant version. And I felt it was time for me to re-write my narrative around them. It was time to be around them, and show them who I was, when I wasn’t “working”.
For the past six years, my parents had been spending 5-6 months in Canada, so yes, going there wouldn’t mean only being closer to my siblings and their new lives, I would be reunited with my whole family again. And it was about time for me to take a closer look at the part of me that I had undervalued for so long. And I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for my burnout, for my mental breakdown, for my courage to leave the “known” to try a new approach to life.
And I’m glad I did it. And I hope my story helps you reflect on your path too. Check the reasons behind what you do and what would you improve, if you had the “time”. I’m sure you won’t regret it if you try. And don’t worry, I’ll continue to tell you, my story. 😊
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See you soon,
Sofia.